The Walking Dead

I have a pet name for my coworkers that smoke:  I call them The Walking Dead.

The only times of day that I see The Walking Dead are in the morning before work, break times, and lunch time.  The time when they most look like Walking Dead is in the morning.  Work hasn't started yet, and they move in a slow, shuffling gait--Some staring forward, but most staring down toward the ground.  They see nothing around them.  If you're waiting to turn into a parking spot and they're in your way you have to be patient.  They won't know you're there.  The break time crowd of Walking Dead is a little more lively and focused.  From my vantage point at work near the door, they come my right--From various places in the shop, all moving toward the shop door on my left.  It's a wave of Dead--All seeing only one thing:  The door.  They all have a glazed look in their blank, staring eyes, and they have but one focus:  Smoking a cigarette.  When break is over and they come back in they are much more lethargic than when they left.  I guess it's from having feasted on their dose of nicotine.  You can always tell when they come in though, by their coughing.  The Walking Dead almost always cough when the they start breathing the air in the factory again.

The Walking Dead have a sort of bond that seems to be shared among them.  They don't even know it's there.  It's invisible.  It is an unspoken, unconscious thing that they all have in common.  To be a smoker is a badge of honor among the Walking Dead.  It cements their standing among the others of their kind.  They are too stupid to realize how pathetic they look standing outside in the driving rain and shivering in a futile attempt at keeping their smoldering cigarettes dry.  I'm pretty sure that smoking is mandatory to be a member of the Walking Dead.  After all, what else would the Walking Dead do on their breaks?

The lack of brain activity is of course a given within The Walking Dead.  That is why they don't worry about potential health issues from their smoking. The Walking Dead are pretty much devoid of any brain activity that would lean toward self-preservation.  Without that ability they can't think ahead enough to understand that they should wear ear protection when they operate loud saws or machinery.  It takes a supervisor telling them each time it occurs.  Why should they worry?  They're already Dead.  I think The Walking Dead can only obey one variety of regular human:  A supervisor.  I don't think they can hear any words from any other normal human.  Because its against their nature to look forward they won't invest in any sort of thing that might enhance their workday experience.  Simple things like comfort work footwear--Out of the question.  Most of them are wearing old, nasty athletic shoes.  I'm sure the soles are worn out from dragging their feet all day.  They don't dare bring their own tools to work.  Tools cost money!  Why should they spend their hard-earned money to buy something when they can just borrow and lose someone elses tools instead?  That also takes away from the cash required to buy cigarettes.

None of The Walking Dead are smart enough to bring food to work to eat at lunchtime.  They seem to operate totally without foresight it would take to get out of bed early enough to make a sandwich.  They, instead, use up at least half of their lunch time driving to and from Wendy's or 7-Eleven.  I'm sure those places are filled with Walking Dead from other shops and factories during that small window of the day.  A scary thought indeed.

The Walking Dead don't worry about anything.  They don't worry that they don't have a car, or that they can barely afford the payments they are making on the car they do have.  They don't worry that the price of cigarettes would move them securely into the black financially if they didn't have to pay it.  They don't worry about doing anything during their workday that might move them up in the ranks.  They only want their paycheck and their cigarettes.  I think the only reason The Walking Dead even try to make it to work on time is because if they don't put in a full two hours they will not be allowed to take a break.  That would be tough to take--Watching the other Walking Dead outside the shop inhaling that sweet, life-depleting smoke.  Watching that kind of activity and not being able to partake in it would cause them gut-wrenching pain.  If a waft of smoke would find its way into the shop when the big doors are open it would surely cause their eyes to roll back in their head.  No, they must smoke, and must not do anything that could jeopardize their chance of smoking.

Quitting time is different.  When it's quitting time The Walking Dead almost resemble humans.  They move without much of their usual zombie-like foot dragging. They don't worry about their jobs at all when it's quitting time.  Not only are they not forward-thinking, they don't look behind them either.  When work is over they only see the door to freedom and nicotine.  If they drop something on the way to the exit door they won't pick it up.  Doing so could slow them down as well as potentially placing them in danger of being asked to work a little overtime.  I'm sure that's why The Walking Dead turn almost into The Running Dead at quitting time.

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