Perfectly Annoying

There are a lot of things about me that annoy my wife.  Some are things I do, and some are things I say.  Sometimes it's not what I say but how I say it.  This is because I tend to use accents a lot when I make smartass comments. I'm pretty good at accents, but I'm not so good at originality when it comes to the dialog I use when I'm talking in one of my accents.  A couple of weeks ago she suggested I expand my repertoire.
"You need some new material." she stated.
"You don't like my stuff?" I asked, incredulous that someone could possibly be tired of my witticisms.
"It's not your accents--You do those well. You just need something different to say.  You always use the same lines." she replied.
"Well, I never! Well, there was that one time..." I replied, blowing it yet again. I could almost hear her eyes roll.

As I said, I've worn out many, many things I say on a regular basis already, such as:

(Rain Man) "I'm a very excellent driver... Excellent driver." or "I'm definitely not wearing my underwear.  Definitely not my underwear."

(Monty Python British) "Pardon me, did you come here for an argument?"

We get a lot of birds in our back yard. I think the birds think we have some affiliation with the Audubon Society. Sometimes Sue looks out the back window and says, "Doves," or, "The doves are back."
My reply: "With one quarter cleansing cream?"  She's very tired of hearing that too.

I annoy her in other ways too.  (I know, I know--I can't believe it either.)  She does a good job of hiding her winces and other involuntary signs of exasperation though--I'll give her that.  I know sometimes she's probably screaming inside.

She gets annoyed when I'm working in the kitchen.  That starts her hovering, then I get annoyed.  She apologizes for "hovering" but I understand--It's her kitchen and it has been for years.  The fact that I'm persnickety annoys her when I am cooking too.  I like things cooked certain ways and spiced certain ways when I'm cooking it.  She just sees it as too much trouble--Food is food.  That's okay.  Like I've said before--Taste is one of the few parts of me that still works and I like to treat my taste buds on occasion.

She also gets annoyed when I wander off away from her in a store.  I don't mean to do it--I just get sidetracked easily.  I guess in this age of cellphones (aka: Spousal Location Devices) I am getting complacent.  Maybe it's a guy thing (Ooo, look... There's a shiny thing over there!) I've always been kind of an independent guy anyway, so I'm kinda used to wandering around with no apparent direction.

Suzie is lucky though.  I don't command the television and watch ball games whenever they're on like the usual stereotypical male. I also never leave the toilet seat up. I don't know why I don't, but to the best of my recollection I never have.  I also let her buy things whenever she wants.  You know why?  Because she has good judgment.  She understands the balance between quality and value, and she understands that sometimes buying used is best just like I do.

Sure, we occasionally get on each others nerves like most couples do, but we're pretty well matched.

I hope she lets me annoy her for the rest of our lives.  I'll do the same for her. It's what people that love each other do.