Seasonal Pressure... It Still Festers Within

It's that strange time of year again. The time when people feel pressured--pressured to buy too much, eat too much, and do too many things when there is not enough time to do them in. We are surrounded by gatherings, events, sales, lights, and music everywhere we go. In addition to our own lives (that we may or may not be in control of), we feel a strange requirement to embrace the other people in our lives on a more personal level.

Lemmings? Peer pressure? Superficial culture?

I no longer live with any Christmas spirit in the house. I'm fine with that. I look at it like I'm just downsizing my life a little. Sure, I miss the things of my past that signaled the onset of the season. I've written about them many times before. The lights, the music, the scented candles, the baking, the smell of pine--all of these things that I associate with Christmas. I don't miss the pressure to buy so many things for so many people. That itself relieves me of having to figure out what to buy, how many, watch the sales, and physically hit the stores and deal with the traffic and crowds. I like to consider myself to be a good shopper. I consider myself to be conscientious about what I'm buying for somebody. It's not my style to just buy for the sake of buying. This way of thinking leads to worry, pressure, and a host of other things that weigh on me mentally. I like gifts I buy people to be thoughtful, and I want them to be appreciated, and the best appreciation comes when they're unexpected.

It occurred to me that I still have the worry in my head this time of year though. I think it's almost a Pavlov's Dogs kind of a thing now. I have been a part of over 50 Christmas seasons, and after all that time, the same feelings are still there in the back of my mind: Did you do this, did you do that, make sure you don't forget this or that--It's there. It apparently lies dormant all year and is triggered by something--I don't know. My parents' anniversary is today--maybe that has something to do with it.

I think another part of the pressure and unease I have this time of year is triggered by the cold. People that live in warm climates probably can't relate, but here it's another thing for me to worry about. My parents have a woodstove but it causes my dad a lot of grief with his breathing, so they use their oil furnace. Their heating oil costs them well over $1000 each time their tank is filled. For us we just have to make sure we have enough wood. Still, it's always there in the back of my mind--nagging me. Every time we bring more wood from the pile and put in the house a small voice in my head says, "What day is this? What month is this? At this rate is it going to last as long as we need it?"

Still another pressure thing is also weather related. It's ice, snow, and traffic. I have to drive to work in the dark every morning (and sometimes home too). This time of year I have to scrape ice off the windows. When I get going, I then have to be conscious of ice everywhere on the roads. Traffic moves slower because everyone else is in the same boat. All these things have the potential to make me late for work. If you have to add Christmas shopping into the mix, it's going to be done during non-working hours so it will be dark, cold, and icy.

It's weird. By the fact that my family has grown and people have gotten older within their own families, I've slowly tapered off buying presents. Even though I've removed myself from many of our societal Christmas 'requirements' over the years, I still fell stressed.